No Heat!

I was just called by an apartment manager who manages the apartment that some of my refugee friends live in. Generally speaking, the managment is "okay". They respond sort of quickly to some things, but only when I call, or when the Burmese family in the building calls and says "I am going to call the police if you don't fix my toilet right now!"

They own another building near by, also full of refugees- I don't really know these families so well, but from time to time I receive calls from the apartment manager for them as well, though they know full well that I am not with any sort of angency that assumes responsibility for the livelyhood of these familes. Now don't get me wrong, I am happy to help any of the refugee families in either building communicate well with their apartment manager, especially on the family's side of things. What irritates me is that the manager, who I think at heart is a good person, has the attitude of "these people" and in a way treats them less than people. She calls me kind of often- about silly things that she really should just deal with. Everytime she calls me with an issue she tells me- I keep calling World Relief, they are supposed to help me with "these people"

My 1st question to you, apartment manager who shall remain nameless, is, at what point do people stop being "World Relief clients" and become your tenants? Some of "these people" have been her for over 2 years. They have been good tenants, paying their rent on time, telling you when there is a problem in the apartment, working through the issues that your neglect of the property has caused- and generally with a good attitude ( "I am going to call the police if you don't... family" aside)

You are blessed to have Karen people living in your building.

Let us not forget the Com Ed incident in which 3 families were paying 75/ month for electricity because you would not make the effort to let the ComEd guy in the building to read the meters. For 7 months! A year and a half later they are still being reimbursed by ComEd (a little justice!Thank you!) However, at the time of this incident these hardworking men were being paid $7/hr and only working 30 hours, being new to the country.They were hiding in their dark apartments hoping that their efforts at energy conservation would being some relief to their tight financial situation!

My second questions to you are - since when does renting an apartment to someone qualify as charity? Why do apartment managers feel a sense of entitlement because they rent to refugees? Now granted, there are some refugee populations with no experience of home care and no one to really show them the ropes. Consequently apartments are not well cared for. This is not the the case in our situation. Yes, yes, we really appreciate your willingness to take that initial risk of renting to a new refugee family with no credit, no income and no background in the U.S. I appreciate the risk involved to renting to a new family. However, how long do you get to "claim" that.

Renting an apartment to a refugee family is not an act of charity (which, by the way, since when does charity bring entitlement?) beyond that initial risk. It is a business transaction. My landlord never acts like she is doing me a favor by renting me an apartment. She wants rent. If I give her rent, she takes it and I live another month in my apartment. I know there are some managers who do continue to extend grace and hospitality to refugee families, going above and beyond the call- this is not that sort of situation.

So the call I recieved today was from said unnamed apartment manager concering the heat in the "other building". It is off, something is broken and cannot be fixed until Monday. She has tried to call World Relief to get them to talk to "these people"- but no one is able to help her. Some of the tenants in that building are new, but half of them have been there upwards of a year. She calls for my help in telling them they won't have heat all weekend.

Me: I don't really know them and won't be in the area til tomorrow (yes, a little unhelpful, but I want to encourage you to problem solve) Do you have a number for anyone in the building?

Her: well... yeah, but they don't speak English (um, I don't speak Vietnamese, Arabic or Burmese)

Me: well, pretty much half of your building is Chin and half is Vietnamese. Apt 1 and 2 (shoot and 5 for that matter, now that I think about it) all speak English pretty well and are Chin. Apartment 4 has a teenaged daughter who can speak English and is Vietnamese( I suppose this blows a hole in my " I don't really know them" statement. I really don't! I just know who they are)- maybe you can call those apartments and between them they can get the message out and begin to work on a plan to stay warm. ( You know, kind of like you would have done if they spoke English, Oh wait! They do! Marvelous)

Her: Well, it's 40 degrees, its not THAT cold

Me: That's pretty cold if you are from southeast Asia (c'mon woman, thats cold to live in if you are from America! It's not like you are asking them to walk outside to their car in 40 degrees, you are asking them to live in it for 3 days.I'd like to see you live in 40 degrees for 3 days!)

Her: Well we can't do anything about it, they can't fix it until Monday.

Me: Hmm, well do you have space heaters they can use? I know some other managers have been able to provide this in this sort of situation.

Her No, we don't do that.

Me: Oh..(intentional awkward silence) well you can call me back if you are unable to get the message to them and at least I can try to stop by and talk to them (ooh, there's an idea! How 'bout you do that! Imagine meeting your tenants! Your office is closer than my apartment! Maybe they would be real people then.) tomorrow.

Her: Well thank you so much! I will call those apartments you suggested!

Of course I called my friends in the neighboring building immediately and told them the sitaution. I asked them to let the families know and gave an indirect ask for my friends to lend the "other building" some space heaters. So I guess the womans motives in calling me were fruitful, but still have a little respect. These are good people and good tenants. They are worth you time and efforts- more than you know.

Can you free?

Can you free?

I sometimes fear this question- Hmm Can I free? Unfortunately, sometimes that depends on what you need. Is your baby sick? Yes. I can free, do you have questions about mail? well, then maybe not right now, but I will likely squeeze it in on my way here or there and take a well needed rest at your place.

The truth is that I want to be free and hang out with my Karen friends all day everyday. They are fun to know- we have inside jokes, their kids call me "munong", which means auntie. But, unfortunately I am single and young(ish) and the world places alot of requirements on the single and young(ish). I have to go to my wonderful yet life sucking job, I have to maintain American friendships and I have to go to Bible Study and I have to go see the Muslim Burmese and keep track of Fatuma, and take Eh Shun to the doctor, I have to get ready for ESL, I have to stay connected with my family, I have to do laundry and feed the cat and babysit to pay the rent for the apartment I scarcely see and Nadia, I havent seen her for months, she must hate me by now... and I really should invest in meeting some new people and getting more involved with my church...

Well, at least God created me as an extrovert, that is one positive- so yes, I can probably come over and help you sort through the hundreds of papers the school sees fit to stuff The Mee Shaw's bag with.

A few weeks ago I responded to this question and firmly planted myself with my laptop in Ma San Htin's living room. I was there to help her make her bi-weekly phone call to unemployment, because she was laid off from her job. My plan was to take Eh Shun to the doctor in the morning, stay at Ma San Htin's for lunch and head off to work. 7 hours later I stood up and said, " I just have to go right now, it is time for Bible Study." How did 7 hours pass so quickly???

As I was on hold with unemployment Ma San Htin's neighbor, Pei Thei, came in with his baby tied to him. His face was bandaged up. Apparently he had impacted wisdom teeth and didn't know what to do about it so he let it go for too long and they had to remove them from underneath his chin!! He was there to ask for help with his internet. It hadn't worked since he switched apartments. He had called twice but the people did not help him. Poor Pei Thei! It all came down to AT& T had not done their job. It was so frustrating, it is something that they should have fixed when he called the first time, but I could tell that they just hadn't taken the time to investigate the issue.

When we were on hold I explained to Pei Thei a few things about American culture as it relates to how one must approach a call about a service that one is paying for.

1. You are paying for the service, it is not a gift, it is not charity you should recieve the service or compensation for lack of service beyond what you have paid- for the inconvenience and for good faith on the part of the company- especially if the company is "name brand" like AT&T. Feel free to remind them that you expect more of them because they have a good reputaion and are not operating out of someones mom's basement!
2. Even if you are not upset, you often must act very inconvenienced by the situation (in most situations, though you will occasionally get an "advocate", someone who really thinks it is unjust what is happening, and admits it- then honey is much more effective.
3.Remind the person that you are not upset with them, but the company they represent and it is very important that they find someone who can help you. As soon as possbile.
4. You do not go away from the problem if it is unresloved. Catch Phrase " This is not my problem" (I have paid my bill, I have ...etc...) You wait until they help you.

45 minutes later it was arranged that AT& T was very sorry to have given Pei Thei the run around and caused him to have to seek out an advocate, they would be reimbursing him for the time he did not have internet, fixing the problem the next day, at no inconvenience to him and were sending him a $50 visa gift card for good measure.

Back to Ma San Htin's... I sat on the floor and worked dilligently on her unemployment forms with her and then in came TiTus with his W2's asking me to do his taxes- I suspected this might happen, then came Kyi Myint and De Poe with their COD papers, and Eh Shun with her blue book needing to know about what the doctor said about the baby, and then Po Day Day with her public aid papers, which reminded Ma San Htin and Eh Shun that they too had public aid papers. All of which requiered seperate phone calls- about 15 miutes each. And everyone had mail- important mail, junk mail- W2's and credit card applications- they all look the same to me, let alone to someone who is just learning to read in English. Everytime I looked up there were new people there. Some Ma San Htin had called, some had seen my car and were so desperate for help that they would take a number.

Then the girls came home with report cards. The Mee Shaw, the 5 year old was a shining star, of course.The only suggeston she recieved was that she need to practice making comments relevant to the conversations (e.g, don't interupt the teacher by asking her if you look like a princess or asking if you can dance) Su Klain, who is shy and newer and came here at 10, so hasn't picked up English as fast, did not do so well. So we had to spend a good deal of time talking about strengths and weaknesses and growth and building up both mom and daughter. Su Klain, who was ashamed because The Mee Shaw did better than her and Eh Shun, who is already dealing with so much feeling like she is failing her daughter by not being able to help her in school.

And oh the thousands of trees that die to fill the backpacks of refugee kids with papers upon papers- no one can read them, no one wants to. Papers upon papers of just irrelevant information... BACKPACK SPAM! Why don't the green police have a sit down with the school district. I propose we put all papers online except notices that school is closed, shots are due and field trips are upcoming. If it doesn't need a signature, don't put it in the bag!!!


This man is trying to figure out how to communicate to his boss that he can't work overtime on Monday because he has a green card appointmet. I love this picture, because I see this look of "Where do I even start???" in the faces of so many hard working refugees trying to make their way in this crazy world.

I left there feeling sad because I knew that Ma San Htin wanted to sit and chat a bit and that Eh Shun would have rather not had the entire community privvy to the details of her sick baby- not that she minded people knowing, but still, its difficult stuff to talk about in a room full of people.


I wondered- Have I become that volunteer who does everything for the family and a year out they still don't know how to write a check??? I mean, these were not new families, Pei Thei is the newest and they came in April '08, everyone else had been here 10 months- 1.5 years. And it is not as if I only come by once a month I had been there several times that particular week!

The fact is that I have to work and I have to sleep. I can give up pretty much all those other things for a season, but I have to work and sleep. What was going on? After some thought I remembered that these people were smart motivated people. They want to be independant to be able to do their papers, sort their mail, understand their kids homework etc... they are trying and trying, it is just that it is still hard, even a year out. Pei Thei could not make AT&T fix his internet- he tried and they ignored him because they could. The other things were all important and urgent things- things that were simple enough for any American to navigate through, but for a person who is just learning English... It is just still hard, even a year out.

The moral of this story is that there are refugees in Chicago and Wheaton/ Glen Ellyn, and I can't visit them all. Sure, there are wonderful people involved, people who feel called to help the poor, the orphaned, the widow and the alien, but it is still hard, even a year out.

The mission of my job is to help the local church engage in relationships with refugees. I am totally on board with this- especially after a day like this. I know we are all busy- I am busy. I get it. And contrary to common belief, my job rarely involves hanging out with refugees, it does however introduce me to many families who are just looking for a friend, a culture broker, a person who can tell the difference between Ed McMahon with his publishers clearing house and their bank statement. Su Klain desperately needs help with her math. I can't. There is just no more left of me, and no one else will come because there are so many more families who are new, who don't have any volunteers. So, in a way, she has kind of missed her boat for a while.

I know, it seems like "one more thing" but maybe it can, instead of being something that take away from you, something that fills you up. It generally is for me. I know it is not for everyone, there are many needs in this world and many God honoring minsitries and as Americans we are inundated with faces and needs each need seeming to be the largest. Maybe it is for you though, maybe for a season. The minisrtry of presence as modeled to us by our Saviour. You never know. God is in the habit of surprising us with the unexpected.

My Happy Birthday

Last week I celebrated was my 29th birthday. Wow- 29- I am almost out of my 20's ( I know, poor baby big deal- whatever)



Well, I celebrated my birthday in typical Jessica fashion, by ignoring it-- I don't know why- I have no objection to aging or birthdays in general and I feel strongly about celebrating other people on their birthdays. But also in typical Jessica's birthday fashion, the people I am close to (as well as random people that I sort of maybe remember from highschool thanks to facebook) did not ignore it and I was secretly was glad that it did not go all that unnoticed.

Birthdays bring instant fame on facebook apparently- from random people from my past to people who go to my church but I don't really know in "real life" to BFFs. It is kind of funny. That night I sat in the office at Glenfield church before ESL with our "Principal" Scott and said, "Oh look, the girl who "RAed" (Yes, Scott I will verb anything I want to! so shhh!)me for a month during the summer of my freshman year of college wishes me a happy birthday. Thanks Liz Amundsen now Reyes. Happy Birthday to you too!

I had a lovely birthday though. It started out with dropping The Mee Shaw and her mom off at school. Ma San Htin decided that she wanted to chaperone a field trip. I know this seems like no big deal, but I was really excited that she had the confidence to this- Ma San Htin, who didn't want to go to parent- teacher conferences because she didn't speak English!




Also, as a result, I got to have Wonderful for the morning- and she was wonderful. We went to my office and she just chilaxed with a movie and a train set. She is just so cute and good. We are Bff's now because I got her McDonald's on the way home. We hung out at her house for a bit then I was off to work some more, then to ESL.


At ESL that night I learned that one of my students was moving, which is half of our class. Worse yet,he is taking Michelle with him! A bit about Michelle, For a time it was only me and Abigail in class, our other 2 students had moved on- so we created "Michelle" one day. Michelle is a stick person of an ambiguous gender who can be used as a reference point in sentences such as, " Abigail always comes to class, but Michelle only comes to class sometimes" Well, I had 4 (real) students for a while, but then one got a job and the her husband was busy with the baby. So it was down to Abigail and Mo Rah again, with the occasional appearence of Michelle. Apparently Michelle has gained a firm identity as well as a history and now she is dating Mo Rah, who is all too apt to have girlfriends. So, Mo Rah will be taking Michelle with him when they migrate to Connecticut. Mo Rah came for his last class on Thursday and we kind of blew off most of the lesson to make a good-bye video for him fully equipped with music video- it wasn't in the lesson plan, but hey, it's a conversational class and we were definitely talking!



Abigail and I worked on a song for the video- to be sung to "God is so good" because we all know that song as we sing it at ESL every week.





Chorus:We miss Mo Rah, We miss Mo Rah
Please don't go, just stay here (with us/ Mo Rah)

If you want we will bring
for you Michelle
If you go Abigail
Will have to be the doctor. and the patient!

(Chorus)

We will cry
Is that good for you?
We think it's ridiculous
that you are leaving

(Chorus)
You have an obligation to come and visit us
When you go we will cry
and that will be a distrction



Obviously, you can see that we have been learning some "big words" in class. So I think we sent Mo Rah off well. we had fun at least and used our big words.



Mo Rah is leaving because that is what refugees are conditioned to do when things start to look bleak. He and his brother Eh Kaw are the breadwinners for the household. They live with their parents and uncle who are too old to work. They arrived about 6 months or so ago- I remember that day. Mo Rah and Eh Kaw were both working and trying to figure out how to also go to school when their factory closed down. Because the have been here 6 months they are at the bottom of the list for help in finding employment with their resettlement agency-- and the list is long, very long these days.



It is difficult to find employment for refugees for so many reasons, in the situation of the Karen, often times the families have been in camps so long and unable to work that they are coming here with skill, yes, but not marketable skills in this context. Mo Rah was born in Thailand. His family fled Burma more than 21 years ago. In addition the this, many refugees come to the U.S with little or no English skills. If you have no English, but can speak Spanish, that is one thing, but if you speak an obscure lauguage belonging only to your people group, it is another thing entirely. Mo Rah cam with a little English, but Eh Kaw came with none. Employers who hire refugees are often facotries and they will hire a group at a time. Unfortunately Acme has just closed down and Touch Sensor is closing soon- two big companies that employ new refugees.

Mo Rah and Eh Kaw's family are moving on to Connecticut. They have a realtive there, but no real prospects. They don't really want to go, but the mother is certain it will bring them something new. I hope so. I often see refugees migrating all over the country in search of hope when things get tricky. It makes sense, times like these were like the beginning of the storm in their own countries.


Well, it was a nice day, despite the news that Mo Rah and his girlfriend Michelle will be leaving us.

Dreaming of Snakes

The amnio came back okay PRAISE THE LORD!!!! and so she is being transferred to Loyola. It is kind of an interesting dynamic- the baby is so sick the no one seems to think he will live, but he is not too sick to just forget about and let die- so there is a small hope, medically speaking, and in human terms.


Scott and I were talking the other day about this situation with Paw Moo and the baby and her family and what it all means. It was honestly the first time I have talked about it to anyone beyond facts. I hadn't really realized this. Sure I tell people the details all the time, and I talk with Paw Moo about it, telling her I am praying, so and so is praying, etc...

People who know me really well (my inner inner circle) know that if something is bothering me, it is always the thing I am NOT talking about. I will talk and talk and talk about all sorts of things that may be unfortunate, but don't really bother me, and I don't even realize I am doing it- or that there is something underneath that I am not talking about until someone specifically (whether it be accidentally or because they have learned me- usually accidentally or providentially) asks me about it. Then it is like- hold on- back it up buddy! Its not safe here. I change the subject, or talk around the subject and get the heck out! This is how I generally discover something is affecting me- maybe it comes with being an external processor (if I am not talking about it, I am not thinking about it) When this discovery is made, I generally ask a Mandy, or a Sarah to make me talk about it from time to time before it eats a hole in my stomach.


Anyways, all that is to say that while talking about the implications of the baby and how that will look for Paw Moo's family if the baby lives or dies- we entered that dangerous zone for me- which made me realize that it existed. The fact is that I love Paw Moo and her family and I cannot bear to think that her baby will die. I acknowledge that facts on the outside, but the prospect of him dying or having servere disabilities is eating a hole in my heart. I have an annoyingly optimistic hope that God will do an amazing thing- it is who I am, but part of me is terrified about what lies in store for her family and that baby. (BTW Mandy, if you are reading this....)


I know in my mind and heart that God is good, and God loves Paw Moo and her family and it delighted to call them His. But part of me wonders, how can this happen? The medium saying the baby would die and now all these problems- show your self strong God! Please! And Paw Moo, who recently decided to "follow Jesus until she dies" how can this happen? And her little boy and her daughter, so excited for their little brother. Her 4 year old son asking the other day- Moe? When will my brother come out? I want to play soccer with him- and today, saying randomly from the back seat- Moe, when the baby comes I don't think he should get any shots. My first thought was how adorable it was that in his little 4 year old mind he wants to protect him from the worse (shots) and little does he know that the baby, if all goes well from a medical perspective will be a little pin cushion for quite a while.

Anyways, enough about me for now. Back to the midwifery... After the appointment we went back to Paw Moo's home to talk with her neighbor that helps with translations (I can't remember what I called her in previous posts- Khin Win?) and talked to her about the appointment. We went through what the doctor said and I asked her if she had any questions. Paw Moo said, "Yes, I had a dream about a snake last night- what do you think? Is that good?"

Silence... hmmm, a dream about a snake? Is that good? really? You are asking the worng person, honey! I am American, evangelical moreover, we don't really "do" dreams....This is a relevant question??? I could tell Khin Win was a little embarassed asking... It was like a bucket of cold water in the face. Of course it is relevant. Everything is relevant. I paused for a second and remembered who I was talking to. I may have been explaining Tetrology of Fallot to her, but still, this was a woman who puts her faith in more than doctors. Shame on me for forgetting that and for being so.... so... American. I don't know. Paw Moo has just been dragged along on this trip. If she were still in Thailand, Tetrology of Fallot would be totally irrelevant, and in a sense it still is.

So I asked her about the dream. What happened in the dream? I am a lousy dream interpreter- just ask Sara Newton, but I believe that God uses dreams to tell you things, and/ or dreams can reveal things about ourselves that we may not recognize in real life. I think this happens more often in other societies, ones that aren't so apt to explain away the non- concrete. Her dream was that she saw the snake and she was scared. So she killed it.

My first thought was about her mother- she had a heart problem and was afraid to get the surgery, and she died. And her mother-in- law, she has a tumor in her stomach, but is afraid of surgery. But Eh Shun, has alot of fear about this baby, but she is standing in it and walking through it, though she is scared. I admire what God is doing in her so much.

So, in fact this dream, perhaps was the most beneficial thing for her all day. I think that God sent her this dream to give her courage and to let her know He is standing with her. And silly dismissive me.....

God is a mysterious God.

My Other World 2: The updates

Today is the eve of my friend Sarah's birthday. I went to a party at her home.
I like Sarah's friends, she seems to have found a situation that does not exist in my area- a group of single Christian friends who aren't single just because they are too young to get married. Some of them are single becuase they want to be, at least for now, and some are single for lack ot "the one (or another- whatever)" I see this basic group of people- oh- 2-7 times a year depending on a few factors. I like them, they are very nice, and intelligent and fun people. I haven't really built a friendship with of them so much, probably because we only see eachother 2-7 times a year- little do they know, I see them more often then I see the some of people I would consider my "good friends". On a side note, I think I have, however, succeeded in making an arch nemesis. Maybe not nemesis, but that sounds fun and dramatic. She taught me the meaning of "stink eye" and killed me in Mafia out of agression. I find the whole thing very amusing. I think it began with a boy she brought to a party talking to me, but maybe a little possesiveness of our mutual friend... you know, here comes that mysterious Jess girl that comes once in a while from far away and steals a bit of attention.... We should box, Sarah would be delighted if we boxed over her :). Maybe we should just break out the Wii and have at it. I thought we may be over it by now, but maybe not. Its all very amusing to me. She had a new beau this time and I didn't go anywhere near a conversation with him. I am not sure what her deal is- she is prettier than me and we are nothing alike- maybe she is like this with other girls and has alot of nemesises?? nemeseese?? nemesi?
Enemies.


Anyways, I realized that is has been months since I have hung out with a bunch of "Americans"- probably since Sarah's last shindig. Its odd, how life just morphs into something new. In college every friday was a party of sorts. Now I am lucky if I see any of my core friends in passing at church. I find myself more often in the company of my Karen friends these days, which is great. It was actually a little overwhelming being at Sarah's today. I can't really explain it. I am generally very at ease with her group- but tonight was different.

My phone rang at about 8:30- it was a 965 number--  It was Fatuma. Fatuma was coming out of the wood work once again. Part of Fatuma's story is in another post but a brief update on her is that she decided to stay with her husband and became pregnant with her second child. Her husband moved her to MN promising they would get an apartment and that the community would help them (because he had some financial trouble). She didn't want to go with all that she was because of the Somali community- and to top it off, right before she left a woman some how recieved one of Ishmaela's doctor bills (for $.41) and threatened to tell the entire community that Ishmaela had Fatuma's last name- basically renewing and expanding the drama.

So, lots of drama surrounding that event, but she went with Ibrahim to MN. Ibrahim did not get them an apartment for thier happy little family. He took her the home of a relative of his and told her he couldnt stay there, but that he was looking for a job and apartment. In fact he was here in Illinois doing no such thing--he left her, presumably for another woman or two, but one can never tell what the real story was. All I know is that during her 2nd pregnancy Fatuma felt hopeless and abandoned again. At one point she asked me to come and get her because Ibrahim came to her to say he was divorcing her- but her sister Halima took her in. Apparently all was forgiven between them. She had her baby, a boy almost 2 months ago. I was set to come and visit her a few weeks ago but she fell off the face of the earth. I hadn't heard from her or been able to reach her for a little over a month until tonight. She was calling to tell me that Halima kicked her and the babies out- on a snowy night in MN. She called Ibrahim and he came and picked them up. They are now staying at a shelter at a church. The baby has been in the hospital for 3 days with asthma. She doesn't know what will happen next.

We talked for a bit- caught up, made sure she was safe etc... and we hung up. I took a deep breath and put my smile on and went back to the couch and watch people play video games, though my head is spinning with thoughts of Fatuma and her family. I thought how odd it is to get news like this and then go back into the living room and watch video games, to my "other world"- and how no one would understand if I told them. They may hear "refugee" and categorize them as "other"-not out of anything impure or malevolent at all- it would be perfectly natural. Of course I could leave out the word "refugee" but anyone who knew me at all would know, and besides, who calls out of the blue on a Friday night with a story like this. In this case, I think that "other" would refer to someone a little less real than themselves, or their friends or family. Again, not in a malevolent or discrimanatory way- it would be natural... I know this because I am guilty of it myself, in a differnet context. But this is not some "other"- this is my friend Fatuma, who I have laughed and cried with--doing the best she can for her kids, operating on a hope in a man who had let her down over and over again, living in a shelter with 2 sick babies. Who lives in shelters? Fatuma does- gives me perspective for sure.

About an hour later my phone rang again- my heart sunk into my toes- it was Paw Moo.

A brief update on Paw Moo. It has been discovered that her unborn baby boy has significant defects. Because of this, I have my cell phone on me all the time, in case she miscarries. I hate that I have been operating under the assumption that her baby may die. But as much hope as I have, it could be a reality- so we have a plan. It makes sense, as terrible as it is.

She doesn't often call me, because communication over the phone is difficult, and I see her all the time with all the doctor appointments she has. So, when the phone rang on Friday night at 9:30 pm my heart sunk and my mind was racing with thoughts- I am an hour away, maybe she just wants to talk, why don't we have a back up plan incase I am an hour away- all of this in about 1/3 of a second. I answered and she was cheerful and chipper (sigh of relief) she was just calling to tell me that an English woman called her and left her a message. She read the number to me- it was my work number :). She wouldn't believe me at first. I had called her this morning because I somehow, after 2 months of hyper cellphone vigilance, forgot my cell at home. I was calling to give her my work number in case she had an emergency. I had also called her neighbor to tell her in case Paw Moo didn't understand the message. We had a good laugh. She said that as soon as she heard it was in English she hung up and didnt realize it was me.

Paw Moo had an amnio 2 weeks ago. We find the results on Monday. I spent my trip to Sarah's house pleading and bargaining with God over Paw Moo's baby- something that has become rather a habit of mine over the past few months. If her amnio comes back good, her case will be transferred to Loyola because they have a level 3 NICU and a pediatric heart unit. If not, Paw Moo will carry him until term and give birth at a normal hospital and he will die.

Aside from these things, he is great- He is strong, his little heart is beating strong and steady and so fast helping his little body to grow (apparently babies have really fast heartbeats). He is the size he should be. He is trying to live. We have been praying and praying and honestly I am more than a little dissappointed to see that hole in his skull and those cysts on the lungs everyweek when she goes for her ultrasound. I keep hoping, an expectant hope, for the tech to yell out "It's a miracle!" but instead they say "It all looks the same".

We have prayed and asked others to pray--and I dare to hope and pray for the best that Paw Moo's son will be born whole and complete despite all evidence to the contrary. This is not beyond the power of God. Well meaning people have reminded me that it may not be in God's will for him to live. I know that God's plans are higher than anything I could imagine. Anyways- we'll end there- thats a whole nother can of worms...

So I told her I would see her in the morning to pick up the girls for church. I hung up and went back into the living room- where I was quite restless. Thinking about Fatuma, and Paw Moo and about work and life etc... Yet, here I was, in Libertyville, celebrating the birthday of my dear friend Sarah- my "other world"- where people aren't in shelters and constant flight and babies aren't sick (though they could be, I suppose). Where Mafia is on the agenda and the night will end well and warm.