The amnio came back okay PRAISE THE LORD!!!! and so she is being transferred to Loyola. It is kind of an interesting dynamic- the baby is so sick the no one seems to think he will live, but he is not too sick to just forget about and let die- so there is a small hope, medically speaking, and in human terms.
Scott and I were talking the other day about this situation with Paw Moo and the baby and her family and what it all means. It was honestly the first time I have talked about it to anyone beyond facts. I hadn't really realized this. Sure I tell people the details all the time, and I talk with Paw Moo about it, telling her I am praying, so and so is praying, etc...
People who know me really well (my inner inner circle) know that if something is bothering me, it is always the thing I am NOT talking about. I will talk and talk and talk about all sorts of things that may be unfortunate, but don't really bother me, and I don't even realize I am doing it- or that there is something underneath that I am not talking about until someone specifically (whether it be accidentally or because they have learned me- usually accidentally or providentially) asks me about it. Then it is like- hold on- back it up buddy! Its not safe here. I change the subject, or talk around the subject and get the heck out! This is how I generally discover something is affecting me- maybe it comes with being an external processor (if I am not talking about it, I am not thinking about it) When this discovery is made, I generally ask a Mandy, or a Sarah to make me talk about it from time to time before it eats a hole in my stomach.
Anyways, all that is to say that while talking about the implications of the baby and how that will look for Paw Moo's family if the baby lives or dies- we entered that dangerous zone for me- which made me realize that it existed. The fact is that I love Paw Moo and her family and I cannot bear to think that her baby will die. I acknowledge that facts on the outside, but the prospect of him dying or having servere disabilities is eating a hole in my heart. I have an annoyingly optimistic hope that God will do an amazing thing- it is who I am, but part of me is terrified about what lies in store for her family and that baby. (BTW Mandy, if you are reading this....)
I know in my mind and heart that God is good, and God loves Paw Moo and her family and it delighted to call them His. But part of me wonders, how can this happen? The medium saying the baby would die and now all these problems- show your self strong God! Please! And Paw Moo, who recently decided to "follow Jesus until she dies" how can this happen? And her little boy and her daughter, so excited for their little brother. Her 4 year old son asking the other day- Moe? When will my brother come out? I want to play soccer with him- and today, saying randomly from the back seat- Moe, when the baby comes I don't think he should get any shots. My first thought was how adorable it was that in his little 4 year old mind he wants to protect him from the worse (shots) and little does he know that the baby, if all goes well from a medical perspective will be a little pin cushion for quite a while.
Anyways, enough about me for now. Back to the midwifery... After the appointment we went back to Paw Moo's home to talk with her neighbor that helps with translations (I can't remember what I called her in previous posts- Khin Win?) and talked to her about the appointment. We went through what the doctor said and I asked her if she had any questions. Paw Moo said, "Yes, I had a dream about a snake last night- what do you think? Is that good?"
Silence... hmmm, a dream about a snake? Is that good? really? You are asking the worng person, honey! I am American, evangelical moreover, we don't really "do" dreams....This is a relevant question??? I could tell Khin Win was a little embarassed asking... It was like a bucket of cold water in the face. Of course it is relevant. Everything is relevant. I paused for a second and remembered who I was talking to. I may have been explaining Tetrology of Fallot to her, but still, this was a woman who puts her faith in more than doctors. Shame on me for forgetting that and for being so.... so... American. I don't know. Paw Moo has just been dragged along on this trip. If she were still in Thailand, Tetrology of Fallot would be totally irrelevant, and in a sense it still is.
So I asked her about the dream. What happened in the dream? I am a lousy dream interpreter- just ask Sara Newton, but I believe that God uses dreams to tell you things, and/ or dreams can reveal things about ourselves that we may not recognize in real life. I think this happens more often in other societies, ones that aren't so apt to explain away the non- concrete. Her dream was that she saw the snake and she was scared. So she killed it.
My first thought was about her mother- she had a heart problem and was afraid to get the surgery, and she died. And her mother-in- law, she has a tumor in her stomach, but is afraid of surgery. But Eh Shun, has alot of fear about this baby, but she is standing in it and walking through it, though she is scared. I admire what God is doing in her so much.
So, in fact this dream, perhaps was the most beneficial thing for her all day. I think that God sent her this dream to give her courage and to let her know He is standing with her. And silly dismissive me.....
God is a mysterious God.
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