My other world

I went to Bible Study tonight and just felt like I was coming out of a different world...
Weeks prior to this evening I met a woman from Somalia, lets call her Fatuma. She moved here a few years back leaving her sweetheart back in Africa. When her sweetie made his way to America and married her, he found her to be carrying a child that was a result of a rape.
I do not know how the story has unfolded since the day Ibrahim and Fatuma were reunited, as I met Fatuma only about a month ago- 2 Weeks after baby Ishmaela was born.
It seems that Ibrahim has been trying to accept the idea of baby Ishmaela, but has really been struggling- rightfully so. He is hurt and dissapointed, angry and jealous. He usually doesn't want much to do with Fatuma and Ishmaela. I cannot even imagine how his heart and mind must be torn.

Ibrahim is a believer in Christ. This complicates things immensly, I would imagine. He knows that much grace has been extended to him through the blood of Christ, and that this is a "Hosea moment" (of sorts) where he has the opportunity to live the love of God out in the life of his Muslim wife. Oh to be a natural man not living under Grace, it would be so much easier to turn her out. However, yes, in fact he is a Christian, so it is not so clear cut- but he also Somali, and according to how the Somali community has reacted to Fatuma's rape, it seems that the expectation would be for him to turn her out and have nothing to do with her. This being the case, I am certain that it causes a deep tension. Deep down to his bones his basic instinct would be to leave her based on the culture he was brought up in. I cannot even begin to fathom his pain and struggle. Still, he is a good man.

In addition to the difficulties that refugees face in general, not to mention being a Christian in a Muslim world and marrying a woman with a baby of "questionable" origin- Ibrahim has learned that his family in Africa were part of the group of 90,000 Somalis that fled Mogadishu last week. They are, as I type, fleeing for their lives.

Though there were promising signs in their marriage over the last few weeks, there were many issues as well. They were really trying, but at different times. They just kept missing eachother.... Then, in walks Halima, Fatuma's older sister.

I had heard about Halima. She is the oldest sister. She and Fatuma came to America together. They are of the same father, but had different mothers. All of their parents are dead now. Halim seems to be very dominant and full of schemes about this and that. Schemeing is actually a virtue in Somali culture.

Though strangely absent through her sisters shame and loss- through the depression during and after the pregnancy, during the long hours of labor and complications due to FGM, Halima comes into the picture and wants to whisk Ishmaela away. She has a plan, or rather a scheme. She wants Fatuma to come back to MN with her so that she can get free rent and use the babies social security number- for what purpose, I am not sure. I am missing portions of the story. Suddenly, Ibrahim tells Fatuma to leave.

A concerned volunteer and dear friend of Fatuma's (we will call her Jennifer) calls me tonight on my way to Bible Study. I was supposed to visit with Fatuma today, but was in a meeting that ran late. Fatuma and I agreed I would come tomorrow instead. Jennifer has concerns that Halima will try to run away with the baby. During her visit, Halima has somehow managed to wean Ishmaela from breastfeeding and has her on formula. This is completely mad, as Fatuma had just decided to keep the baby on breast milk and bought a pump for this very purpose- and by just, I mean 3 days ago, the day before Halima arrived.

Fatuma has a choice to make. She has been offered her own apartment, near friends from another country, free for a year through a homeless prevention program. This poor woman, who has been continually taken advantage of is hearing so many voices telling her what she MUST do. Her sweetheart, Ibrahim, wants her out of his house, Halima wants to take the baby to MN or both of them, depending on when you ask her. Then there is Jennifer, who is certain that Halima is a manipulator and intends to use Fatuma. She is urging Fatuma to stay.
I asked Fatuma, as I was parking my car outside of my small group leaders home in suburban Naperville, "What to YOU want to do?" I told her that I don't care about what Jennifer says, or Halima says or Ibrahim says, she is a grown woman and the mother of Ishmaela, she is no longer the child- the decision is hers, it does not belong to any of these people.

She wants to stay in Illinois, she says there is nothing for her in MN, as she has been outed from the Somali community because of this baby. She wants to stay in Illinois, but she is afraid to live alone.

We ended the conversation after I spoke with Halima briefly to tell her that I am "so looking forward to meeting her, and hoping that she will not have left before I am able to visit tomorrow" (which was my subtle way of making sure she doesn't dissappear into the night with Ishmaela). She was charmed and delighted that I wanted to meet her and is eagerly awiting my arrival.

I hung up the phone and walked into my "other world", my Christian suburban world, where no ones family is, at this moment fleeing for their lives. Where no one knows the searing loss of death, rape AND abandonement. Where no one knows the oppression that is being an uneducated woman from a Muslim country, where the violence against you is seen as your own fault and even your god is against you. I closed the door to Fatuma's world and walked into my "other world" which I am blessed beyond measure to belong to, (though at times like these it doesn't feel like I do belong). I walk into my "other world". I know that the far richer blessing is to know and have the opportunity to walk among the survivors, to have purpose and Light to share among the living dead, to live in Fatuma's world and yet belong to another.